Am I too childish in this ‘new world’? Or the right word maybe that my ‘new world’ still in early stage (pujuk diri sendiri..uhuks). There are a lot to be learnt along the way, be tough, some might say. But why, I don’t feel like to learn though? Why everything that happens always trigger my anger? I realize that lately, it always hard for me to be patience. I always let the anger influence my actions and when I regained ‘consciousness’, the damage is already beyond repair. Then, as I always failed to (or shud I say too coward to admit the mistake, to ego to say sorry) do anything, the thing I feel like doing is hugging my knees accompanied by bubuk, crying silently in the corner.  My God Qider, such behaviour!

Really want to write, writing makes me happy

Sometime I really feel like to go out, clear my mind a bit like I used to do before when I was caught with ‘situation’, but REALLY after the change of status, I cant do like that anymore. Before this, when I have problem with someone dear to me, I always succeed of having the courage to talk about the ‘situation’ that we’re engaged to, now all I have just the empty me. And that’s why I am what I am right now. All the sadness, all the tantrums, all the angers have resulted to the longing for those happy moments I used to have before and the strong feeling to get out from the ‘space’. I miss the HAPPY Qider. I miss everything. Honestly, I am so clueless rite now.

Me and Anne

Me & Aihara

I adore my dad so much because he always had answers to my questions and he even made it easy for me to understand. I love my siblings because we always open to each other, understand each other situation, always the source of my-mother-unapproved-big-laugh despite of the ‘fight’ that sometime arise. I appreciate my friends (although to the few that I already lost, my own fault, their rush jump to the worst judgment also) because they always know how to response to my thoughts even it sometime hatched heated arguments, but still, they listen. They want to listen. And they talk to me back. And that made me wanted so much to listen to them back.

Lucky I still have my job (although thinking of leaving it). Lucky I have those people. I even feel that I am far away from God. I don’t want to cry anymore as it will make me fall sick. I need to be healthy, to be strong for the sake of others who still need me. Also, I need to look young too ;-p. People, I don’t want a comforting words. I write this because I can no longer trap the feeling in my mind. It is torturing me like hell. I want to get out from it. Till then, I wish for the courage to write more happy things here.  I really miss to write those happy moments with those happy people that I love so much.

p(^_^)q

gambaru!