I haven’t updates much here on my twins and their younger brother. Well, this is not an excuse but really, I am quite occupied with few things like office’s task, house chores, new blog, reading about so many things and feedback with customers who most of them are my old friends (I am running a small business now). I am trying my best to synchronize those things and at the same time being an affectionate mother to my children. And, I failed dismally. I cannot control myself the other day. Kept yelling to the twins although I knew it well that they actually wanted to spend some time with me.
Their younger brother is no longer direct feeding with me. I think that happened as both of us were apart for two solid weeks. My husband was outstation last week at Kulim and since I cannot be trusted on wheel, so he took our children to be taken care by my family. I know it was a risky move but I was confident that by supplying frozen expressing breast milk, it would be just fine as he had gone through the same situation before. But thing didn’t go as I presume. To tell the truth, I was devastated when he rejected to direct feed when he came back home 5 days ago.
He also kept waking up during early morning (4-5 a.m), crying, unable to be persuaded until Subuh. That continues for 5 days in a row! At last, although I was quite reluctant, I had to accept that he would no longer be attached to me. He, like his twins brother is very close to my husband now. He even asked for his father to carry him, feeding him, nursing him, and I was like..feeling so useless. It was the same feeling I had when I was weaning off my twins.
During the time he was behaving like that (kept waking up at early morning), at first I was on the verge of helpless and started to throw my anger to the twins. But when I kept reminding myself, at least I had been given opportunity to breastfeed all my sons, able to receive bonus from that which is maintaining my figure, and He had given me not just very adorable sons but also a very smart and independent type of sons, I am starting to cool my head a bit.
Like Greg Kinnear in the ‘I Don’t Know How She Does It’ said, “sometimes, OK is just enough”. Yeah, I think I can live with that. I am allowed to feel sad, to feel bad, to cry few times, but I have to move on. I need to concentrate on strengthen the bonding between me and my sons now that they prefer their father more than their mother, rather than brooding on having bad mood.
Life is too short anyway. Keep living up everyone. Allah is always with us. Always believe in that. I do.
Cheers..Qider Firdaus Bandar Baru Bangi